A Reluctant Artist

Categories Essays, Life

Ever since I was young I’ve always been drawn to the arts. My first love was performing arts. The earliest memory I have was of me doing weird interpretative dances with my sister in our living room with curtains and blankets for costume and props. Luckily my parents were a willing audience. I was probably three or four then. By the time I was eight I had ventured into writing poetry. I don’t remember what sparked the interest, I just thought I could and then proceeded. Fast forward to 20 plus years later and my interests have spread on to films, zines, and graphic novels.

At the very core of these art forms, I realized was the art of story-telling. I was highly attracted to narratives – films, TV series, plays, comics, they were all kinds of medium that one used to convey stories. Unfortunately the confidence I had as a child dwindled while growing up. Had I the confidence of a child, I would still call myself an artist but these days I struggle to present myself to people as one.

It seems weird that even though I pursued the arts growing up – I wrote for our school paper in highschool, immersed myself in our university’s official theatre performing group while pursuing a film degree, and acquired a senior degreein multimedia, I still had this kind of reluctance.

Maybe it’s because I dabble in a lot and very rarely mastered anything. . .? Maybe because the art scene is too intimidating? Maybe it’s a cultural thing, downplaying so and so?

There are a lot of reasons why our confidence diminishes over time and maybe I’ll write about that someday. But right now I think I have grown enough to take off these kinds of burden and fully focus on becoming an artist of everyday life. I will strive to consider myself as one even whilst the doubts. I have spent too much time in my twenties being lost and unsure  (and maybe that is what happens to one in her twenties.)

But today and henceforth I  want to focus on documenting my pursuit of a creative life in this space I call Love & Fiction.

 

*photos in this post are of my room in Vancouver

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